Two Components to your Sexual Desire & Sex Drive

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There are two components when it comes to your sexual desire & sex drive. And it runs a bit like a car.

You have the gas pedal and the brake. Your gas pedal is what gets you going, your brake is what stops you from going at all.

Cecilia talks about this in her latest Coffee Talk, go watch the full video here.

Cecilia talks about the way we think about our sex drive and how we can think about it differently to create some change in our sexual wellness.

The Gas & The Brake

The gas pedal is what creates a desire within us. All the things that make us feel desirable and make us want to be intimate. It is all the things that create pleasure for ourselves.

We usually focus a lot on this component when we want more intimacy in our life. We focus on hitting the gas pedal strong, we constantly want, want, want which ultimately leaves us with the story of ‘why can’t I have the desire that I used to?’

But I want to encourage you to look at this in a different way. Instead of focusing on the gas all the time, try thinking about the brake.

The brake is all the things that inhibit your sex drive. Here’s some examples:

  • stress
  • demands on time
  • demands on mental capacity
  • demands on physical capacity
  • kids
  • work
  • the pandemic
  • taking care of others
  • not sleeping well
  • not eating well
  • not moving our bodies
  • menopause
  • changes in our bodies
  • postpartum depression
  • depression & anxiety

All the things!

So, think about it this way. If you had your foot fully on the brake, it doesn’t matter how much gas you give, you’re not going anywhere. So instead, let’s try and find some ways to alleviate the pressure that is on the brake. What can you do to alleviate some of that pressure in order to give the gas an opportunity to do what it does?

Try asking yourself the following…

  • What gets you revved up?
  • What do you find attractive?
  • What do you find sexy?
  • What do you find desirable?
  • What does your partner do that gets you into the ‘mood’?
  • What contributes to the brake? List all the things (see above list for an example)

It’s not as simple as wanting to be more intimate, it can be more complicated than that. But when we can alleviate the brake a bit, you’ll find that there are more changes in your desire then there would have if you just focused on the gas.

Cecilia

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